Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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