So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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