took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
