I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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