The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
