i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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