I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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