# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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