problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
