He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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