it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
