please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
