so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
