Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
