you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
