he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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