i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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