I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
