it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
