i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
