New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
