i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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