So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
