I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
