1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
