I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
