It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
