I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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