Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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