yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up under a house in Key West
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