just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize