The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
