I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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