I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
