ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
