Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
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also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize