I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
