So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
