Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
