so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
