So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
