Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
