I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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