He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
