The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my shit smells like andre
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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