just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
