I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
