he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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