It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
