I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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