By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When are your genitals available?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
