so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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