Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
