My room smells like vodka and shame
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Randomize
