Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize