I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
