Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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