And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
