areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
