it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
