Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
