A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize