Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
