I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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