This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
