I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
