I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
