Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
