We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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